Being open for connection in the Path to Healing and Self-Love

I keep hearing that healing requires solitude. It's when you're alone that you can truly get to know yourself and heal from past traumas. To love another person, it's said you need to love yourself first. And it sounds like loving yourself is something to be done on your own—in the solitude of your room, with a nice Chai tee and candlelight, or alone in nature. There's truth in the fact that learning to be with yourself is crucial, making your body and mind a place you want to inhabit requires time and effort. However, who we are when we are around others also speaks about ourselves and triggers, gives hints towards what we need to work at and how we can become better people.

I believe learning to be together is a big challenge for our generation. Building patience to understand others, understanding ourselves, and building relationships as spaces we want to inhabit. Nowadays, we're accustomed to fast and speedy dating. We seek a certain result from a relationship, and when we don't obtain it, we move on. There's always an illusion that there's someone or something better out there—an illusion of the capitalist system that leads us to see people as objects.

Relating to others like objects separate them from ourselves and makes us see people as if they would carry a value we can measure. But  if we look closer, relationships aren't about someone's attributes like their job, income, or appearance. These things won't guarantee a compatible connection. What do we fall in love with? Isn't it also the creative world of possibilities that the connection with the other person opens up to? 

I believe that, although there are exceptions, constantly being alone or wanting to be alone is an illusion. Like most animals, humans have social needs. Humans need care and nurturing from the first breath; life is not possible without it. Surely, this extends to all relationships—with our parents, neighbors, cousins, siblings, and teachers. Isn't love the biggest challenge of all? I wonder how many films are needed to confirm this. It's well reflected in 'Into the Wild', where the main character's eagerness to leave everything behind neglects human engagement and touch.

Isolation might not necessarily help us heal past relationship wounds. Seeking support from a therapist also builds a bond, a relationship. When we're hurt, are we brave enough to open our hearts and show vulnerability? “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens” - Rumi says. 

Relationships require a certain amount of compromise, and they can be scary. Sometimes they are even presented as sacrifice that opposes the idea that we need to be strong, independent and successful to be truly a man or a woman. Even I thought, for many years, that I needed to be like that in order to build a career and a life abroad, neglecting my need to be vulnerable and have deep bond to others, thinking I need to keep it together, to play it cool. As I see the tendency in he west seems to be more and more isolative, I finally understood how debilitating that is.

In conclusion, while solitude may offer moments of introspection and self-nurtury, I believe it's through our connections with others that we truly learn and grow. Even when we can potentially get hurt,  It's in the messy, imperfect dance of relationships that we find the courage to be vulnerable, to love and to be loved, and how our deepest fears and desires can be revealed.