Berghain, Addictive personalities & Yoga philosophy
Acknowledging an addictive personality shouldn't make us feel ashamed. It's a complex trait that extends beyond substance abuse. People with addictive tendencies often seek intense experiences, whether from situations, spaces, or individuals. This inclination can be rooted in trauma responses or be a personality trait.
It took years of therapy for me to confront my addictive tendencies, particularly as me being the “yogi”, “dancer”, “healer” and even the sober raver. But thought out my life, from dance and fitness, eating disorders and toxic relationships, I always found myself entangled in risky behaviors. As clubs reopened post-pandemic in 2022, I started a relentless cycle of weekend clubbing. Berlin was mirroring my need to explore and my unconscious desire to “loose myself” out there, to let go of what I consider was “right” or “wrong”.
It was clear to me that the seductive appeal of these environments also had a dark side. Normalized violence and self-destructive behaviors performed from myself and others led me to neglect healthy habits and friendships. It took a near-death experience to jolt me out of the trance, a price I'm still paying for. Yet, I refuse to demonize club culture and spaces like Berghain. I do lament the potential for harm within these environments.
As my yoga practice deepened and as well my teaching schedual, I recognized my responsibility as a teacher to uphold ethical principles and intentions. It did not feel right anymore to party in the way I was doing it. I believe that as Yoga teacher we have responsibilities towards ourselves and others. Yoga Philosophy, the 8 limbs of yoga, helped me to understand and embrace Yoga as a life stile. Also through bio-decodification and astrology, I gained insight into the impact of my actions on my physical and spiritual well-being. As my weekend ritual came to an end, it naturally raised the question of how to fill the void left behind by no longer frequenting a place that consumed so much of my time and energy. I knew I needed to establish a new sense of order in my life, to explore how best to use my free time. When I finally let go of resistance, I found surprising how inviting a neighbor for a cup of tee could end up in the cutest dancing session in the living room. How hosting a brunch to my closest friends could bring me not just happiness, but peace. Even how going for a coffee date could lead me to experience the most beautiful golden hour, a lightening that would make me feel like in a movie.
I've alredy observed a common thread among yoga teachers—a balance of wildness and mindfulness in navigating our energy and surroundings. It's naive to believe we remain unaffected by our environment. But to conclude; no, I dont believe Berghain is a good place for Kundalini awakening. I dont believe substance abuse can be a conduit to enlightenment, without mentioning plant medicine. However, I am well aware of the transformative power inherent in community building, empowerment, and the fostering of social activities and events. However, the Utopia I aspire to create, along with the message I aim to spread, demands a better setting.